i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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