My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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