I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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