I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Is it penis luge time yet?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
