You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
