I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
