one two three fourrrrnication!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize