im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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