Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
