census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize