drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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