The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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