uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So vagazzling was a success
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