I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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