She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
