He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize