I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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