I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
