I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
