please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
