I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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