apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
