Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize