The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
