I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
