I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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