What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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