when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
