Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
