Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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