Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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