I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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