he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
