My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
