So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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