i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
