Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
