dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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