Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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