Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
