I swear god or herbie drove my car home
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
