my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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