My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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