I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
