She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
