I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
