my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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