I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We need to feng shui this bitch.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
