I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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