i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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