I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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