Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Randomize
