if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
