3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
