I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
