1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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