are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's always time for handjobs
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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