every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
