i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
