i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
