i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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