His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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