i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
