i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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