i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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