Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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