fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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