I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
