it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize