My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
