i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Randomize
