It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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