I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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