I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
a search helicopter?!
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
