i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
