p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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