I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
