Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize