get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
