Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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