Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
