So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
