guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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