I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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