I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
