Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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