I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All the doctor said was why
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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