dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
