If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize