well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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