Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
