I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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