forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
